Friday, February 5, 2010

POLE POLL!


2. Shane Collins

3. Woody (from Sean Cody)

4. Jeff Daniels aka Lukas Wink

5. Rodolphe Vacano

6. Tyler Peters

7. Mario (aka Nico aka Bruno)

8. Brett Tamblyn

9. Ariel Vanean

10. Richard Hrosik aka Karel Rok

11. Kris Evans

12. Johnny Maui


So I came up with a dick poll (or I should say POLE poll!) for this month. It's the first poll of its kind here on CRMS! Narrowing down the field to twelve was admittedly difficult, but on this date, at this time, these are the dudes that I decided would represent the cocks on this blog. If one of your favorites is not on here, please let me know in the comments section below - they may very well show up in a future poll! But go ahead and vote anyway! This poll will be open 'til the end of February. To vote, just scroll down to the bottom of the sidebar on your right. And thank you cock-fans, for your participation!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

[The following is not intended to be construed as recognition for Kris Evans’ immortal moanthing of manrapturous maleness, at the expense of any of the interesting appurtenances gathered here in its shadow. Far from it].

:)

Although comparisons are odious, and famously unsophisticated, boys of early puberty are renowned for them (I think it rubs off from collecting baseball cards) and populist cultures thrive on them. But a penis plebiscite, by contrast, turning upon the undefined concept of “best cock,” is so open-ended as to engage both the idiot and the savant wings of the penis constituency, in the harmless reveries of subjective penisfamine. And who is to deny its constructive potential, reaching perhaps so far as the adaptation of our species in future generations, for penisvirtue so to be tabulated, codified and anointed here, that its name must reverberate through the media without end, and certainly through every locker room fitted with a good, solid bench?

Thus, nobody is really called upon to gauge the reamworthiness of Johnny Maui’s glansly bezel in his own benighted fuckhole; he can extrapolate its score from its deflection of the rushing shower. Nobody actually has to call upon his valet to wield a protractor at his anus to gauge its diffraction by Shane Collins’ penisroot; he can measure the arc of its shaving with standard pool tiles, and multiply it by 3.1416.

For comparing the co-efficient of drag in the penis cones of Vanean, Tamblyn, Vacano, Wink, and Woody -- attorneys at law -- he needn’t absorb them at ramming speed, he can take their surface area, multiply it by a standard 500 percent of the catapult coefficient of their hips (surely, this data is available online), and adjust upward by the sluicing spread, if any, between the lobes at the frenulum. Prepuced males will just have to suffer by this comparison, but what they gain back in other criteria should place them at least comfortably at par.

I think we can all agree, that volume and rate of ejaculation are too variable by circumstances - altitude, recent diet, strangulation by anus - to factor into this consideration except, needless to say, by abject prayer.

This will leave palate considerations, topography, hue, leverage of elevation, horning at morning and plushmeat adorning to those weightier scales to which the voter’s taste may idiosyncratically assign them.

But I do fear that the deck might be slightly stacked against the natural and incontestable winner, by virtue of a portrait selected from his dorky and immature past. Not that any prejudice is to be imputed to this choice, given how narrowed the field already has been by those influences; but it would be hard to discern in the ancient portrait of Kris Evans his ascendancy in the present day, to incomparable heights in the pantheon of true and transcendent penis. Even then, an abstention from balloting would be unsporting, so we must all vote -- twice, in the case of males who must select someone before Kris Evans, to allow for self-correction to set in without remorse.

cocklani said...

Well, it looks like Max and Ariel have an early lead. But let's not overlook the impressive totems of Shane, Rodolphe & Johnny. Not to mention Woody's fat woody! Speaking of fat, Mario's got a pretty thick slap of Italian sausage between his legs! But hey, I'm supposed to be impartial!

Anonymous said...

I can see it coming, penispartisans: unless we coalesce (oooo) around an alternative, the Pavel vote is going to drive a wedge through the present generation (youch). We can't have that. So, if it has to be Vanean, at least with him we get anus, and when you figure the penis as but one of two antipodes of an infinite feedback loop, I can see getting behind Ariel (mmmm) in a heartbeat.

But I'm with the 1st guy; I haven't ruled out justice for Kris Evans, either.

cocklani said...

Speaking of Kris, I really don't find anything dorky or immature at all about that pic. I find it fun and uplifting - a refreshing change from the usual 'Blue Steel' poses! I also think it illustrates how awesome it can be to be the owner a big floppy cock and set of swingin' monster balls! But hey, I'm not trying to sway anyone! :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, but he has a body now to make the prodigious use of those virtues which their sumptuousness commends to mankind, in which I think the electorate has the right and the interest to take cognizance. As to his ownership, the nobility of his having placed this daunting wealth in a trust for the edification of the community, speaks for itself.

cocklani said...

Glad to see more votes for Woody! His wicked fat one is vastly underrated in my opinion. Hopefully my site will help get it the recognition it deserves. Again, not trying to sway anyone! :)